GEEZUS Apocrypha and Fanfiction
Various assorted sundry stories related to GEEZUS and his FAB friends (but not his fat friends) Hey here's a story even Mykull: Man I can't wait to tell the story of No No's Arc Dollan: he was the man made entirely out of the bad touch like the opposite of midas everything he touched turned perverted or got molested or disgusted Mykull: you even read my entire mind Dollan: unfortunately, he patted all the animals on their way in because before hand they'd been civilized in the ways of playing board games like scrabble and also discussing long works of fiction but after the ark, they all came out so sex-blind that they couldn't do much but reproduce and give baffled looks when about to be run down by a set of headlights mostly because back in those days, lady pecs tended to look like headlights what with their radioactive glow so when cars came around, animals instinctively awkwardly froze up to look at them Mykull: and No No's Arc refers to the mathematical equation in which some how entire groups of things are turned into sex-blind idiots on a near clockwork basis Dollan: well that, and because NoNo once bogarted all the animals onto his boat except that it wasn't a boat so much as an island Mykull: and don't you even forget about the story of Davey Jones and the Goulash Dollan: see, the Angels, being such jive turkeys as they were, got sick of having so much junk piling up in olympustown so one day the shoved a sliver down through the cracks to stop up a leak of nothingness and the sliver slipped through and landed in the earth-rock-ocean and floated NoNo called it his ark later in history (but not HISstory) they'd call it angel island and it'd be populated with echidnas and the like but that's a different story so NoNo was being an especial dick one day when he decided that all of the things that he loved but resented him because of his bad touch should be made to hang out with him because he was lonely and needed besties and because he loved animals the best, he rigged up a great big bridge with a funnel leading to itso that everything pushed toward the funnel, would be ushered single-file accross the bridge to his island ark well he would have had a heck of a time of it had the Huns not chosen that exact century to begin pillaging the entire world all the civilized animals, having no homes to evacuate and no goods to gather up, got the EFF out of town first and ended up sucked into the funnel and on the ark NoNo, meanwhile, had put on a fine Hun costume for to blend in with his no-doubt-successful conquerors he would have fit in just swell except that just then when all the animals were on the ark, the entire earth was flooded this, of course, was because GEEZUS had touched down on tip-toes, just testing the temperature of the earth-rock to see if it was a good temp for him yet it wasn't and it burned him and also several hundred Huns poked and jabbed at himso he was sore and sour about it and was pretty sure he was gonna get an infection, so in a pouting fit of rage, he drowned every living being any one of us would have done the same so, unknownst to GEEZUS, the Ark floated onand they all feasted generously on several species that no longer exist to survive notably dinosaurs which nobody mentions in the earlier parts of the story, but let's be clear, R-KANGLE MYKULL and ADAM and all those early folks all rode dinosaurs like tauntauns the tauntauns were also eaten to extinction Mykull: Man that was pretty swell Sent at 1:46 PM on Monday Mykull: I can't even wait to talk about The Many Mosai and the Eggs or Disc Out of Getting Gypt Oh look an epilogue Mykull: and even Joesph and the Really Nice Coat that looks like a Gay Pride Flag Dollan: yeah but accidentally he was Joseph Smith Mykull: It's the precursor to the magic underwear Dollan: whose tragedy was that he was super accepting and welcoming of everyone and he lived forever until he got bonked on the side of the head and all the truth trickled out with blood and so to stay alive they had to give him a nonsense transfusion which was successful but also led to an enormous cult Mykull: and later ended up causing the JEHOBOS Witness' to never accept transfusions of everything Dollan: yeah man Mykull: or to even celebrate any being born days Now for some Star Wars facts Mykull: good, good Dollan: you're not the emperor Mykull: Man I bet EMPZ PALP used to be KING FATTY back in the day And then he was like MAN I'M SO LARGE I can't even score any of the weird painted up ladies on NAHBUH so then he found the DRAKSIDE and it turns out it's just the best workout and diet program in the entire universe so he lost MAX weight and even all the ladies were like LOOK HOW HAWT U R but man the SPOOK SPOOK thing about the DRAKSIDE is this it makes you homohomo which is why all of EMPZ PALPS apprentii are either dudes or ladies who look like dudes I mean think about ONOKIN man he even killed his lady because he was so not about them anymore Dollan: yeah man and LYSAVAHS are just space elections which is why they're always touching them to other LYSAVAHS Mykull: suspicious laughter+++ Sent at 2:22 PM on Wednesday Dollan: yeah man and Robits too R2D++ was always like BEEP BOOP (what is this? a ship? let me put this twisty dingy in it) and then like BEEP BOOP (what is this? a battlestation? let me put my twisty dingy in it) and then like BEEP BOOP (what is this? cloud city? let me put my thing in the wrong hole) and then like BEEP BOOP (what is this? Jabba the Hutt? No way man, I'm gonna leave him FOREVERALONE SOLONELY++) Sent at 2:25 PM on Wednesday Dollan: and other times their other bestie CHEWBOQBOQ would be like GRRROL which, of course, meant that he was going to pull someone's arms out of their sockets and make them keep hitting themselves and saying quit hitting yourself quit hitting yourself or he'd say GRRROW which, of course, meant that he was going to pull someone's arms out of their sockets and sodomize someone with them Sent at 2:30 PM on Wednesday Mykull: I barely got through the first sentence of your first reply after my suspicious laughter Dollan: yeah man and I'm def proud of translating Chewbacca to SHONTESE so accurately and let me even tell you about HAN SOLONELY there was a severe shortage of ladies in the galaxy 0 in the empire 1 in the rebellion so he was smuggling some space poon across the galaxy and CHEWBOQBOQ and their pet cat MR GREEDO were along too but they got busted by the empire well it turns out it wasn't even space poon like they all thought but space foons which is what crazy people call space sporks and so HAN SOLONELY joined the rebels and blah blah blah saved the day, waiting patiently when he could have easily gone and paid off his bounty because he wanted to get the only ladypecs in the galaxy on his ship and when he did, oh boy, man did he have all the moves not only was he not scruffy looking in the least but he also had all the best Jason Mraz CDs and scented candles for smooching and then just when he was about to score he got frozen in CARBONDALE so here he is fully elected and the hard is on him it's truly a russian reversal Mykull: Man I lost it at MR GREEDO Dollan: and the only reason DARK VADAH doesn't boink the lady is because he is a DARKSIDE (nohomonohomo) which means he likes other people's space weinerjunks'' oh plus he has a robo ''dong so he was more interested in R2D-ALSO and that's the story of how HAN SOLONELY FOREVERALONE got stuck in a creepy opium den full of dudes and ladies that you wouldn't even touch if you were being threatened with a sarlaac and he was so hard because he was stuck in CARBONDALE but the only thing bluer than his heart was his balls Mykull: Yeah man think about it, DRAK VADUH even feels his son before he feels his daughter MAXHOMOHOMO Dollan: lol